I'm dreaming of the Osaka sun,
But dreams are merely dreams,
Thoughts are what you make of them,
Seize 'em or they fade away.

There's dreams I have, I want to come true,
Don't you know baby, I dream of you.
Fly with me over the sun,
Let our passion on the run.

For too long, we've gone too long.
The feel of your hand, the beam of your smile.
Your hair flows along
As the gentle breeze tosses it around.
You're so beautiful.

When you cry, I take a shot.
I could run through a minefield for your heart.
When you're frowning, I solider on,
Looking to bring happiness back to you.

I refuse to let anything hold me back
People, places, spaces, faces.
It goes like this:

You're the only person I need.
I need you In My Place.
I want us to close this space.
You're the only face i'd love to see.

Baby, it's a violent world...
But don't let me go...
We can have this world, if we want,
We just got to seize it.

I'll fly halfway 'round the world,
To spend a day with you.
I'd give my life, to see your smile.
Baby, i'm coming home to you.

BTW I'd like to just mention, that my general hope will be to either have this journal, or potentially a new one, act as a means of recording what happens at BT for the next two months, and also for my Tech training in Mississippi. (Yee Haw) I'm not sure if i'll even have any time to create such a thing, (Probably not) but the desire is there.

15 Days. Amazing. I'm glad right though where I am, sitting now next to my favorite person, Ashleyyyyy :) We're in the library, in the very back, sitting, relaxing, laughing, and not giving a good god damn about life.

It's going to seem like a dream in two weeks.

But i'm still really excited that I am leaving, as much as it'll kill me inside. Reasons:

1. i'm going to be in hellva shape. Not since like 8th grade have I been able to claim that.
2. I'll be able to get my degree in a reasonable and less-time-consuming manner. I'm definately looking into CLEP and other tests to take care of my college credits, eeing as how I love to whoop test's asses.
3. The discipline. Honestly it's going to be a great challenge, and i'm just rather excited for it.

BTW The Coldplay Concert. One word. Amazing. 4th Row on the floor. (I got upgraded for free!!!) Amazing. Nuff said.

I used to roll the dice....feel the fear in my enemy's eyes...

I still need closure, on some things. I haven't decided how, or if i'll do it, but I feel like....idk. I think my mind should let dogs lie, at least until I come back, and even then, perhaps it'll be too far in the past to matter. I doubt i'll roll the dice before I leave.

Listen as the crowd would sing....."Now the old king is dead, Long Live The King!"

It's going to hurt to leave. And the major part  of me, cares more about the people who matter to me, than my own self. So when the group of people that I know for sure, are going to explode in tears on my last day....it's going to suck. Horribly. Long live the king.

One minute I held the key...next the walls were closed on me....

So many missed chances, things that will never be. But that's straight-up life, right there. Which leads me to the last verse:

And I discovered that my castle stands...upon pillars of salt, pillars of sand...

To steal a line someone said to me not too long ago, which has reverberated through my head a lot lately, I regret nothing. I don't even regret the fact that I have to leave in 2 weeks, because in the end the result will be worth it. If I regret joining, I would a mess right now, terrified to leave not just the comfort of my friends, (looks to his right) but the comfort of my past, good or bad.

5 weeks left....whew.

It is indeed my birthday, and for those who wished me joy, I thank them. Those who haven't....shame on them. They know who they are.

OMG Jenn made my night....not that I expected to get tons of stuff for my b-day, but, honestly, this is why I wuv the girl...she made me a card. More like a poster, it's about double the size of a card, and it's multi-colored, bright, thoughtful and very sweet. On the bottom, she wrote a paragraph detailing the last year and how much fun we've had in that time.

"Love you, Mr. Anderson :)"

HONESTLY, ADORABLE.

Today was fun, went to BSC for the whole day, and I realized that there's a reason I usually come here after 3....no one is around before then. DUH. But still, it gave me time to relax and take in the day. Go figure, i'm sitting in the commuter cafe, and Ash sits down about 20 feet away...I guess this haircut did it's job ha. Love that girl too, apparently the party she's having Friday is "my birthday party"....sure, but if she thinks she can get me trashed, as I always say to her, "Good luck Killa :P"

I see my recruiter tomorrow; with time winding down, he *needs* to give me the official list of what to bring to Basic.

....As if I haven't researched it front and back. >> Oh well, I'm dying for any kind of Air Force business, so I'll just play along.

So yeah the other interesting thing is seeing my movie partner from last year, and holding hands with her while we waited for her train....yeah. Either she's really horny, or a man of service is arousing, one of the two. Perhaps i'll see her tomorrow, but she said it's a busy day tomorrow.

Me: "But it's Humpday..."

I'm in Crimson right now, and for the last hour and a half, the station has been playing non-stop 1998 Pop Bull-shit. I love Brittney as much as the next beer-swilling hick, but honestly, it's not the music I want to hear on my birthday.

Ahhhh I fixed it, threw on Coldplay, which BTW I'M GOING TO USE MY BIRTHDAY MONEY TO GET A TICKET FOR~!

Next Wednesday. At the Garden. My first concert EVER.

----------------
Now playing: Coldplay - Viva La Vida
via FoxyTunes   

$120

=priceless.

A small post, just because I never seem to take the time to write shit.

Temporary leaving date: November 25

......FAIL.

It's only because my job as of right now, is going to be Command Post (>>) but should I get Broadcasting, the date should move up. (Hopefully up a few months. Because quite honestly it sucks seeing everyone prep to go back to school, and I....I wait. For I have a different mission in my life. I vow to go to BSC every damn weekend to see my loves, until I go. That should help maintain my sanity for the time being.

It's just been...weird, because people have their problems, their challenges, their gripes, and it's like i'm in my own bubble, not saying that i don't care, surely I do, but honestly, it's been rolling off me as of late. Because there's so....little, that I can do. It's like i'm helpless, but not in the sense that I don't know what to do, I just...can't. Does that make sense?

I know that not being there will be a dramatic change for me, but hopefully me visiting often will help things out; one of my fears in that i'll lose touch with my two favorite girls before I leave. I want them to still know that they can count on me...there's just things that I have to do.

Now that I have a better idea of when I leave, perhaps I should take a chance with something....you never know unless you try. And it's been pressing on me all summer, and time is kinda short....but potentially, i'm here still for like three months. I really should Say what I need to Say :P

Going running early tomorrow, trying to get in shape for Basic, stupid softball tournament in the afternoon, out near fucking I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ARGH TOO TIRED.

Sorry for the caps, but honestly, I saw my old friend Spooner Saturday, and she says, hey, you should come to my horse show Wednesday. Hey sure, that sounds....OH SHIT, stupid softball, FUCK! The only time I get to see this girl (and she's a sweetheart) and I can't go. Another fail.

And I just like gashed my shoulder because it was itchy, and my fingernail apparently decided to cut me open.

Yeah that's tomorrow. Ah well. (HOPEFULLY) I'll go down to Rhode Island Saturday to see my sexy love, which is always a good time, and next week i'm helping Tom move in, because I just can't miss move-in, I refuse.

So much for this being small.

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID (maybe?)

I haven't written any lines in a while. So, i'm going to give it a try. Here goes.

Rushing, spinning,
Up and down,
Back and forth,
Left turn, right turn.
I'm not at the crossroads, it's just dark outside.
I'm riding down this road; when is it ever the same?
I'll make this trip, every time, no matter how far.
How long, how hard.

What are you thinking?
More to the point, where are you right now?
I hope you've found the strength,
To head down the road,
And to see where it leads.

There are no guarantees.
You told me that long ago.
But when have I listened to you?
I'd like to prove you wrong, just once.
Show you that you can still put your head on my shoulders.

Long ago, this road was unmanageable,
And I could have swore that I was all alone.
...I'm never alone, and neither are you.
I'm riding down this road, and it's never the same.
When I finally bear right, it's going to have me cross paths.
Cross paths with you.

A few thoughts, as it is the last day of November...(:P Gabi....)
-Today has felt like a weird day, with weird feelings and such. Heading towards the basketball game, Tom calls and tells me one of our dormmate's home friends had swung by for the night, so i came back to the dorm and hung with them. And even though I didn't drink, I was still pretty happy hanging with them...shame they had to leave early though :(
-I've just been...strange today, perhaps in part to the overtly overcast skies today.
-Picked up my roommate's car from the shop and drove to Wheaton to pick him up...God, i'm nice. (Not too far, either)
-November? ....I don't know. Again, it was just another month, but I was definitely pleased with Thanksgiving break....
-December is only a whole shit-load of question marks (and I don't mean that harshly)
-I need to stop analyzing so much, but I doubt that's going to stop soon.
-I just want to be okay, and I want everything to be okay....so here's hoping.

Yeah, i'm alive, and apparently all I seem to write in this thing is when I feel like i'm falling to pieces...and that's not fair, really. It is hard though, to capture great moments in this thing because...well, you would just rather enjoy them. I don't have anything too phenomenal to write about, but maybe writing a somewhat positive entry will turn things around, image-wise.

Tonight...was bleh, I suppose. It was my stepmother's fault, since I called her earlier today and she basically said that I shouldn't be coming home this weekend since i'm not working. Cause you know, i've been home a total of once since the school year started, whereas Fridays at Bridgewater is the equivalent of jailbreak. So yeah, that wasn't cool. Naturally, with it being Thursday, it was drinking time around the place, and which I can say I still have maintained my distance from. Watching the silliness and random hook-ups occur, was, and usually is, a bit disheartening to see. One kid, who we've been chilling with a good amount here, got drunk and took a girl back to his room, despite the suggestions that he needs to not mess up....cause, naturally, he has a girlfriend. No avail, as he headed off.

This is the part i'm having trouble grasping, and in part because....i've been spoiled, in terms of love. This random getting together, lusting for people who are no good, hurting the ones they "love"...where is the actual love? Is that what I should take away from here, at college, is that if you know and care about someone, then.....you still have as little chance as all the pathetic saps without, to get it on with someone? Disheartening is the perfect word, but, at least my roommates have held their course, but more often than not, I wonder whether they would be better off swimming in the tank.

Course, i'm not necessarily free, by any stretch, so it's not like i'm looking around and seeing nothing....because maybe I just have no desire to look. But watching it around me, I must say this: I would not trade where I am right now, to be like half the people in this place; non-caring, selfish, only looking for the pleasure of the night. I have tasted that sweet nectar of love, and for that I am fortunate, otherwise I would probably be really screwed up right now.

So...where am I now? I can't truly say, but i do know what I want in life, so perhaps that's a good thought. I mean, I do have a good deal on my mind, but it's not anything I can control, least for the time being. I almost want to say, that i'm stuck on pause, in a sense. I'm frozen, watching the world seemingly rise and fall around me.

Some people here, I adore and respect, and some, I would watch them die in a bowl of acid. But, and I know that for the majority of college kids, this will fall on deaf ears; Know yourself first. Know who you are, and what you want, and, more often than not, what you got is more than you could ever hope for. I'm in freeze mode, in pause. I guess, you could say, i'm waiting for someone to thaw me out. Okay, maybe i'm just waiting for something, and with it being the 9 of November already, the days draw closer. Ha, i know, it gets colder as the months go by, so perhaps i'm not making sense.

Snow gathers around me
People changed and thoughts remain.
However, I can't seem to move.
To all of them, this is just a game.
But I refuse to play.
I hit pause, put down the remote,
Walked away,
Cause I know it's not worth it.
I can't be mad, for them to not know what's it like,
To live, and to love.
But I refuse to fall in line, to join the crowd.
I would rather die.
Then to have not loved.
I'm taking a stretch, getting something to drink,
Probably thinking things through.
But when it's time, i'll come back,
And I will press continue.
And, you have my word, that this time
I'll be playing for keeps.

I don't know what i'm going to do this weekend; I feel like I might say, since I do have a flag football game on Monday. Perhaps I'll just chill with Jenn, since she will be the only other person here.....visitors? Maybe?

I'm still alive, all graduated, recieved 5700 dollars in scholarships, went to BSC for orientation and registered for all of my classes, got myself another job at Target, almost got another job at a internet radio station (but thought better of it), and have been enjoying this summer so far. I've reaffirmed who my friends are, who to avoid, and who I can believe in.

I'm just...I'm just really happy. And that doesn't necessarly make for an exciting lj post; but something is better than nothing, I suppose. It's hard to fathom that it's already basically July...I'm nervously excited. New beginnings are getting clser, but sometimes, you just want to hold on to something forever.

Okay, this will probably be one of the more pointless posts in my exsistance here, but regardless...I think I am crazy. Like legit. I'm all over the place, really...but i'm smiling. Right now, as I stand, i'm smiling...man, there must be someone out there, who is just as crazy as I am...

Next Friday=End of school=hottt funnnn